Pretend or Otherwise…
Three dozen eggs per day for a family of five are slightly excessive. I truly should check our cholesterol level and that of our neighbors since we have become aggressive egg pushers.
Also, after becoming a family of egg pushers, it is best to send your children to do your trafficking. Adorable looks and youth go a long way when raising someone’s risk of heart attack and stroke.
Roosters crow all damned day long, not just in the morning like that pretender “Chanticleer.” Also, if you turn on a porch light at, say, 3 am, they crow then as well. Our neighbors cannot be happy with us.
When a chicken catches a moth or other bug, he or she is so proud of his or her rare accomplishment that said chicken runs cockily (no coincidence in that gem of vocabulary) around the coop until another hen or rooster steals it away. The moral of this story is: Don’t savor your insects until they’re swallowed.
Upon the purchase of turkey poults (baby chickens are chicks but young turkeys are poults), each person you know will ask if you are going to eat them. “Only if we don’t like them,” I answer. “What else would you do with them?” they ask. Should I ask if they plan on eating their dogs?
Little Bo Peep was damned irresponsible. Sheep really do wag their tails and are quite visible.
Two shakes of a lamb’s tail is a very inaccurate measure of time.
When you name a goat Bill Withers, “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone” will get in your head more than you would like, great song or no. Now, with the addition of “Lucky,” the alpaca, enter “Twinkle, twinkle lucky star.” Thank you, Merle.
Ruminant poo is plentiful, smaller than jelly beans, and impossible to pick up. It needs to be scooped daily. This, however, does not mean I do this.
A tractor is an indispensable piece of farm equipment. I sure wish we had one.
Alpacas represent a cruel contradiction of life. They are adorable, furry, and teddy bear-like. You want to hug and love them all the time. They, however, do not like to be touched.
When you continuously attempt to get love from and give love to your alpacas, get little purchase, and watch one of your alpacas bring up spit in preparation for a goo-filled strike, it is time to leave the ruminant pen. Don’t ask me how I know.