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Who or What is She?

  • She calls herself Lauren but is also known as Mom, Gramma, Lar, and, once upon a time, Peach.
    An ex-suburbanite who moved to the wilds of the Sonoran Desert and decided to raise fiber animals, fowl creatures, 3 halflings, and one pint-sized farmer without a clue as to how. Join Lauren as she learns how to file alpaca teeth, shear a horny goat, raise 3 teenagers and 1 grandchild while cooking dinner and doing the laundry with her other six arms.

Rancho Laurena

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The Pretending to Farm Store

Sonoran Desert Plants

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Sonoran Desert Scenery

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More Animals (Like You Needed to See More!)

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November 13, 2007

Comments

Ang in TX

The loss of a significant other is tremendous whether death or divorce. Divorce is death.

I watch my sister deal with divorce every day. It's every day for her for she has two children by her first husband. Each of them have custody of one child. They can never agree on one thing regarding the children. Her ex-husband does not speak civil to her in front of the children. It's simply horrible.

We lost my dad a little over a year ago. Mom struggles every day with the house being so quiet, keeping the yard work up, and crawling into bed every night by herself.

I love my mom and sis very much, it hurts me to see them hurt. That's all.

Can't wait to read the book! Where are you moving too? ;)

Sally

Hi Lauren,

Raises hand: new reader here. This post spoke to me in a way I am completely unable to ignore, since....

I've been divorced and I've been widowed. I've solo-parented and single-parented (they're different things), and I've co-parented. I have step-kids from two different family configurations, and although I don't have an ex- with whom I shuffle kids, I do shuffle step-kids, so I have relationships with two different ex-wives (!). I have written quite a bit about my anguish and returning joy on the young widow bulletin board, and on my blog- feel free to pull out anything of value to you from there.

I hit a particularly bleak patch this last spring; here is what I wrote on the board at the time.

Cheers,

Sally

**********

Disclaimer: I’m in an awful place, but I am not in danger. I’m on meds while I’m waiting for a psychiatric referral; I just need to vent. Sooo tired of being strong…

I hate this pain. I hate the grief. I hate dissolving into tears without warning. I hate that I can’t cry when I ache so much. I hate that my optimism is so buried. I hate being alone in running my household. I was doing so well over the winter- what happened? I’m at 8.5 months out, and really tired of defining my life in terms of my grief.

I’ve had 3 biggish meltdowns/breakdowns in the last 6 weeks- I am soooo tired of this. I’m off work since last week until I am stable- when will that be? My parents are totally freaked out- they are worried about the kids’ well-being and my risk for self-harm. It’s really hard to reassure them, because I’m so weary with grief. It’s a mixed blessing that they’re coming out to help. I desperately need help, but I won’t be able to tolerate being judged.

I’m trying really hard, and sometimes that isn’t enough to keep the wolves at bay. I’m mostly managing food, clothing and shelter, but not much more. I wish it didn’t matter that the house is such a mess and that the kids are never on time for school or daycare. Since being off work, I’ve been on time to pick them up, but I think we’re still on probation.

I hate that the reason for the disarray in my life has so much to do with widowhood, and that as life goes on, that becomes less meaningful for those around me. Increasingly, as the kids move on in their young lives, we are moving away from caregivers who knew Willis. How sad is that? The compassion factor is diminished in people who didn’t know him. Our situation, that of being a newly bereaved family, is an abstraction to them. Those who knew Willis still care deeply, and they do their utmost to provide support. At the end of the day, though, it’s JUST ME.

Sometimes I just can’t do it. I fold up, give up, cry, hope for next year, when it will all be better (right?). I keep trying to find my silver linings, and I’ve been so good at optimism for the last few months, but I’m exhausted, drained, worn out, bereft. Enough already! I just hate grief. I want to be strong, joyful, optimistic, but that stuff leaked out and got washed away when my bucket overflowed. I can barely care for myself at the moment, let alone my kids and my household. Thank goodness for the folks who do help out: my SO (when he’s not dealing with his own kids), my parents (please let them not be judgmental), the school (can they please collect and drop off my child, in addition to feeding him?), YWBBers…

I’m really hoping that my sunny self will resurface soon; ‘cause this darkness is really heavy, and I’m tired…

Sally

SueG

Lauren,
I'm willing to help with your book homework, I too have been divorced and also widowed (two different men). I've co-raised a child and done it on my own and also been the parent left behind... contact me with my email address if you want more.
Sue
dragonfly@ultraplix.com

florence

Your site appeared to be pretty beneficial. I have already been looking through your website a lot within the last day or two and it has received an area at my favorites. thanks.

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