Charlotte Has Her Say

For those of you who do not know me, let me introduce myself. I am Charlotte, Shetland Sheep and the true and original black sheep of the family.

As an aside, the term black sheep of the family originated from the fact that said sheep were considered undesirable because their wool cannot be dyed. Thankfully, my human parents like black wool and me as well, lately a little too much.

You see, I am heavily with lamb(s) and my humans, particularly the female in pajamas, obsessively come out to our area and, with the pretense of rubbing me behind my ears or scratching my back, not-so-slyly move toward my backside and stare at my private parts. At the least, this is humiliating; at the most, it is downright sexual harassment. I am sick and tired of it and weary of the has-her-water-broken-yet attention. For goodness sakes, I can’t even pee without alarm bells peeling.

As you can imagine, I want these babies out of me just as much as the next ewe. They’re pushing against my bladder, my lungs, and all four of my stomachs simultaneously. I can barely walk from the weight of carrying them. Every step is a struggle, every movement awkward. Mentally, I am ready but my body says otherwise.

Please sympathize with me when I say I think I’ve been through enough here and am due for a break. First they brought that brutish Leroy No-Longer-Brown here to the farm for an arranged polygamist marriage (I have to admit I have come to like, even love him, and I think I’m his favorite. However, I would have preferred a choice in the matter as well as a monogamist relationship). Next he was very forward and if it wasn’t for his unending sexual prowess and generous physical gifts, I might have protested instead of bleating embarrassingly loud with pleasure. What can I say? I have my needs just as much or more than ewe.

Looking back at this, I guess I deserve my current pregnant predicament but not the unwanted aggravation of humans (and even some of my fellow ruminants) staring at my backside all day long.

After all, a watched vagina never lambs.

Comments

[Lynne Robinson]

bad, bad Leroy Brown
baddest ram in the whole damn town
look at what you did to me
now I'm pregnant as I can be

Poor Charlotte. Paying now for all the bleating fun. I guess you did get what EWE deserved.
P.S. I think you have triplets in there. You are ewenormous.

[Lynne Robinson]

or ...
bad, bad Leroy Brown
baddest ram in the whold damn town
randy as he could be
just look what he did to me

:)

[Michelle]

Don't you have any radish greens or something? (I think I've heard that spicy meals can cause labor to start....)

[Margery]

Where do you come up with this stuff??? It's gold!