My Apologies to Cary Nation (and Michelle)

Did anyone catch the Diamondbacks yesterday? History-making, let me tell you. I have never, ever seen a pitcher (in this case Micah (good sheep name) Owings) called to pinch hit and then, because that wasn’t enough, knock an opposite side of the park home run. Phew! What a game! We won! And, wait for it, I drank beer (imagine me hanging my head in shame for effect).

Yeah, I know; I’m not supposed to be doing that right now but geez, jaw-dropping, whoop-inducing baseball was on and ice water was just not doing it for me. Plus, there’s that whole only-losing-two-pounds in two weeks thing. What’s a fan to do? Plus, tomorrow the eagle lands.

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(Wavy lines indicate flashback time.)

When we first got a kegorator, it was the bunch-of-guys-in-college-sharing-a-wild-party-house kind, a refrigerator with a hole drilled in the front for the tap and the hoses and workings inside. It was great. It offered freezer storage for delectably cold beer glasses and a little extra room beside the keg for bags of onions and other too-large-for-the-regular-fridge foodstuffs. When we moved here from San Diego, dear friends Jim and Allene bought it from us and it is still doing its imbiber-enabling duty to this day. Pardon me while I get a tissue, Tito; I’m getting all misty-eyed.

Anywho, we (and our many guests) went through about a keg a month (that’s all we ask, anyone else remember that almond commercial?) and each time HH went to exchange the empty keg for a full one, the moment he had it loaded in the truck, he would dutifully call me and announce, “The eagle has landed.” Something like seven or eight years into it, the tradition has held (doesn’t that make you feel all warm inside?).

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(End of flashback.)

Today, courtesy of The Amazing Matt, we have a very pretty, chrome-topped, bar-level, top-of-the-line model. Although it doesn’t store bags of onions, it does a great job of dispensing liquid hops and barley goodness and, for that, we are thankful. We are also thankful that tomorrow Four Peaks Brewery will have a fresh keg of Kiltlifter waiting for our arrival and the eagle will once again land.

So back to that temperance thing, it’s just not working for me. I gave it a try and found that, without beer, I am a tense, not-fun-to-be-around person. Just ask my husband. Also, I have to tie down my right hand in order to prevent myself from shoving knitting needles in my eyes and giving myself a frontal lobotomy. In short, a houseful of teenagers, toddler, dogs, cats, and bunny, plus a farmyard of various fowl, ruminants, and modified ruminants (the llama and alpaca have three stomachs instead of four) does not mesh with a Cary Nation-approved lifestyle.

In conclusion, I will endeavor to make moderation my goal, something my grandmother Dorsee would highly approve of, i.e. “Moderation in all things.” She also often said, “Butter makes it better” but that’s neither here nor there even though it does. I will go without several nights a week and, on my sipping nights, I will limit my intake. There, I’ve spared myself a lobotomy and/or a valium addiction. It’s a good thing, Martha.

Cheers!

Comments

[Michelle]

Ouch, I'm firmly biting my tongue here.

[Allene]

Sadly enough, we have not had a keg since my 40th when you were with us Lauren. It will be 2 years in August that the little tap runneth dry. Oh don't worry, the fridge holds bottles and cans of beer just fine though!

[Suzanne V. (Yarnhog)]

I find it is increasingly difficult to get those stubborn pounds to budge as I get older. But two pounds in two weeks isn't bad at all! To lose a pound of fat, you need to burn 3500 calories, or 500 per day to lose one pound a week. That's a lot of calories. Assuming you're not nursing, it pretty much means cutting 300 calories a day from your diet and exercising briskly for 30 minutes. At least it does for me. So don't feel too bad. If your foot is better, go take a walk. Moderation in all things.

[Julie]

I am so glad that one of my former students has grown up and has a worthwhile endeavor that provides my friend and her family with liquid gold. ;-))