Pretending to Farm

We Have a Weiner

Download random.org-integers.mdi

I tried to be all fancy like The Pioneer Woman and do a screen shot of the Random.org generator results but could only download it. If you need proof, click on the link above.

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers: 6 Timestamp: 2008-04-17 01:01:18 UTC

As I was attempting to be as unbaised as possible (hey you cyber people are my friends), I have not yet looked to see who even left the 6th comment. I'll do it after I post this. Whoever you are, email me with your address and any other contact info you choose to share (blood type, SSN, next of kin, Swiss bank account number) and your preference of yarn or fiber as well as color longings and I'll send a happy package your way.

Because I am a major softy and I have, gulp, too much fiber, I decided to award a consolation prize (and no, it's not a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, The San Francisco Treat, Rice-A-Roni, Whose Flavor Can't Be Beat). I didn't have the energy to do the failed screen shot thing again so here's the paste:

Random Integer Generator

Here are your random numbers: 3 Timestamp: 2008-04-17 01:21:02 UTC

Same deal, I'll just need your pledge of undying love. I guess that takes care of the contest.

In ankle world, I have mein kleiner stiefel which looks like a modified ski boot. It's much lighter, thanks be to God, and no, I am NOT taking the Lord's name in vain. I can almost walk normally. Michelle, he is a sports medicine guy and David likes him so I guess we can all relax now and eat marshmallows by the campfire. Yes, I am currently in incredible pain but I walked more today than I have since that unfortunate falling-off-my-shoes incident. As I was trying to be tough, I did not ask Dr. Cory for pain meds; I am beginning to regret that decision. Thank goodness for Four Peaks Brewery and Kiltlifter.

BTW, tomorrow is HH's birthday; he will once again be my age. Happy Birthday, My Love!

Tercero

Yesterday was the 4th Annual RVHA (Rio Verde Horsemen’s Association) Chili Cook-off. As always, we entered because in my insecure but somewhat-confident-in-my-cooking-skills mind, I think I make darn good chili. In truth, it’s my mother’s chili recipe; but through the years, we’ve tweaked it by adding different meats, additional spices, a greater bean and chile assortment, etc.

David and I began cooking early in the morning, chopping, sautéing, frizzling, sizzling, and by ten the house smelled sublime. I love chili; I love my chili. We taste-tested, adjusted for spice and heat, and declared to each other that this was the year; this was the year that we would win the Chili Cook-off.

We’ve now entered the cookoff three times, our sole absence being due to HH’s back surgery. The first two times we took third place. I don’t like taking third place. Maybe my psyche has been invaded by too much American “We’re #!” culture but it is what it is. I want to win. Honestly, I don’t care if there’s a prize; I just want to win.

I guess you have figured out by now that, once again, we took third place. I won’t torture you with the resulting emotions that this “show” welled up inside of me, e.g. this is so indicative of my life, yadayadayada. Somebody warm up some crybaby soup and send it my pathetic way.

These very cute 4-H girls took second. As much as it is killing me, I can’t get all catty about the fact that they entered two chilis and how I don’t think that’s fair. This is due to the fact that they are very cute 4-H girls and were very excited to take second place. The whole little-girls-jumping-up-and-down-together-and-shrieking-with-joy thing saps the feline out of me.

First place went to a man with admittedly very-good-but-different chili. It was dark (unsweetened chocolate perhaps like they use in molé?) with chopped meat instead of ground. As much as I hate to cave this way, considering the uniqueness of his chili, he deserved to win. There, I said it. Don’t tell anyone.

Ridiculous emotions aside, we’re already thinking ahead to next year. I think that, instead of the usual ground beef, we’ll add chopped Chuck. That was the name of the first place winner, wasn’t it?

A Call to Creativity

Presenting Contest #2, albeit this time with deliberately posed objects rather than serendipitously found ones, featuring the newest copy of "Hobby Farms" magazine, the letter 'B' (which was found on the floor by happenstance with no clue as to its origin), a ziploc bag filled with three blueberry muffins, a pinwheel, and a lifeguard hat). The person who most creatively and humorously comments on the story behind the use of these combined ingredients, judged by David the Husband and me, will win a $10 Home Depot gift card and a wee surprise, which I will cater to the person who wins. You have until midnight Thursday; the winner will be announced on Friday. Put on those proverbial thinking caps and make me laugh, make me laugh, because after a weekend of listening to the endless noisy drone of a Negative Air Machine, I need a laugh.

Speaking of, the hygienist just left and we have tentatively passed the lack-of-mold test. Stay tuned for a partial return to Lauren's sanity and thought processes. I haven't been able to hold a proper conversation since the invasion.

Jakers says, "Thanks for letting me come inside; that heat gets my hackles up."

And the winner is…

First of all, you all are awesome, so many good stories that kept a perpetual smile on my face, no mean feat. Some of my favorite highlights… Karalyn’s you can’t turn a silk purse into a hobo’s bag, Tara’s tomato paste and mashed banana golf ball buffing mixture that must be stored in a silk purse, and Teresa’s Banana Golf game. Melanie, you have missed your calling and need to start writing horror novels. Oh, my!

Alas, for shear ingenuity, hard work, and local flavor, Kathy, with her Low Desert Jackalope hunting kit won out and, therefore, she will be the recipient of two skeins of Cherry Tree Hill sock yarn. Congratulations, Kathy! Your story is below.

Thank you to everyone who participated; it was great fun. And stay tuned, boys and girls, more contests will follow in the future.

Why, everyone in Arizona knows that this is an Arizona Low Desert Jackalope hunting kit! For years people have touted the pomegranate as having high UV protection qualities, but we here in AZ know better! Bananas are the way to go for full sun protection here as well as easy to carry. Peel the banana and smear its contents over face and hands, or other body parts, for full UV protection. Any extras may be ustilized as food, but only if necessary. The peels may be dried, shredded and spun into a very fine twine which you will need later.

The Low Desert Jackalope is attracted to any small, moving white entity. They believe it to be one of their ancestors showing them the way to the hidden treasure each Jackalope is destined to guard, much like a Leprechaun and his Pot o'Gold in Ireland. Each Jackalope also has a secret! When they are born, a Jackalope is given a small treasure, to be carried in it's pouch (No one told you they have pouches like a kangaroo? Well, they do indeed!) When the Jackalope is of age to accept its responsibility to guard its hidden treasure, it adds this precious item to the treasure - adding a piece of itself to the whole treasure as if to become one with its ancestors. Some of these treasures are turquoise or pieces of silver found in the hot deserts where it lives.

To catch a Jackalope in the Low Desert, you should first cover yourself with the banana both to protect you from the sun and the odor of the fruit covers the human scent. Then you roll the golf ball along the desert floor as hard as you can making sure you have a good line of sight as it covers the ground. As soon as you see the Low Desert Jackalope running just behind the golf ball, you take the can of tomato paste, which is just the right size and weight, and bean the Jackalope square on the head. This is not an easy task - one much like trying to catch the illusive Leprechaun. If you are lucky enough to hit one and knock it out with the can of tomato paste, you may then take the twine handspun from the banana peel and hogtie the Jackalope. Only then will you be able to reach into the pouch to take the treasure from the Jackalope. (A friend of mine found a pair of silver and green turquoise earrings in the pouch of the Jackalope she beaned...or so she says)

And to make sure that no other Jackalope sees the treasure you have taken from its breathren, you must place this treasure in the silk pouch and put it into YOUR pocket (or pouch) lest they chase you to get it back. Very, very few people in Arizona have ever caught any kind of Jackalope, especially a Low Desert Jackalope, let alone actually get to see one.

But sometimes, in the middle of the night when all the stars are shining so brightly and so close to the Earth that you could reach up and touch them, you can hear the cry of the Low Desert Jackalope mourning the loss of his treasure. And in the air you may even smell a very faint whiff of banana.